When my father announced that he was going to have a party in order for me to find myself a bride, I was mortified. My father may not have been the brightest bulb in the box, but really, a festival full of opportunities for me to make a fool of myself? Surely that was going a bit far. I suppose this is the time to let you know that while I may have been born a prince, I am not the typical blue-blooded, horse-and-hounds, flattering idiot most princes are. No, I’m just a coward. So, while I may be occasionally charming, generally I try and avoid any situation where there is a possibility of disgracing myself along with the entire family name, which is why this festival was a spectacularly bad idea.
In retrospect, I suppose it didn’t go too badly, nothing went completely wrong. I found a nice, seemingly normal girl, and stuck to her for the rest of the night. Unfortunately, she managed to lose her shoe, which my father wouldn’t let me forget. Supposedly, this meant that she wanted to marry me?! I mean, geez, she was only like fifteen, I didn’t think that she was serious about it, how could she be? So I set out to find this girl, so I could marry her- weird as that may be. I was so desperate to be done with the whole deal, I didn’t even care that the wrong girl was chosen- twice. These were possibly the most embarrassing moments of my entire life, traipsing through the countryside with a golden slipper. Why had she worn one- it couldn’t be at all practical, and it looked downright uncomfortable. However, I did it anyway, so I could go home and not be ridiculed by my father for the rest of my single life. Pathetic, I know.
The day of my wedding to the mystery girl was here. Despite our upcoming marriage, I still didn’t know her actual name: all I could get out of her was Aschenputtel, which couldn’t really be her name ( I hope). Anyway, I’m as nervous as hell, my father is still breathing down my neck, and suddenly I’m walking down the aisle. The girl takes considerable time to get up onto the dais, but she finaly manages, however, she looks frankly murderous. I realize, with some apprehension, that I barely know the girl, I mean, I am assuming that she is pretty much normal, but what if she’s a nervous wreck, or just plain weird? Now is not the time to think about that, I told myself, and you better just get up there, say ‘I do’ and make you family proud.
So I did, but the moment my blushing bride was supposed to make her vow, she, well, she didn’t. Instead, she went off like a shot, talking about how I was some kind of lunatic. I was the lunatic? She was the one screaming about ‘homicidal princess killers!’ At that moment, I froze, what do I do now? My fiancée is off her rocker, and what am I supposed to do about it? Typically of me, I do nothing but stand there and watch her storm off with my carriage. Still in shock, I felt the priest pat my shoulder. ‘Thank God you got out of that one, mate.”
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Monday, February 16, 2009
WA-5 draft 1
By everyone’s reckoning, it was a beautiful day. The birds were singing and the squirrels were frolicking throughout the sunny glade, creating an atmosphere of peaceful joy. I thought again of the Prince I was to be marrying soon. Keeping a mantra of palace, palace, palace, going in my head, I tried to imagine all the sumptuous delights I would enjoy without my stepsisters to ruin them. Thinking of stepsisters, I realized that the turtledoves that I had assumed were my mother’s spirit were on my shoulders. I wasn’t so sure about the spirit thing anymore, I couldn’t imagine my mother pecking anyone’s eyes out, even if they were quite revolting. By the time I had calmed myself, we were walking down the aisle.
Heaving my tulle monster up to the dais where the Prince was standing was not easy. Let’s just say that between my father and I it happened, and leave it at that. I gave a nod to the priest who seemed to share my feelings of anxiety. But, he managed to begin the ceremony and lulled by his voice I started to relax. I looked at my Prince, seeking reassurance. Instead, I found myself looking at the lines around his eyes; wait- how old is he?? I’m fifteen, I can’t actually be marrying anyone who has lines around his eyes! And what did I actually know about the Prince? I had only met him four days ago at the festival, what if he was some crazy princess killer? I looked back at the Prince, who now seemed fairly ominous. The two white turtledoves were getting heavier and heavier on my shoulders, and they looked at me with their beady black eyes, and I just saw the other girls’ mutilated faces staring back at me. Suddenly, everyone was looking at me.
-You need to say ‘I do’, the Prince said, with a dangerous edge to his voice.
-Well, I replied, I don’t. The crowd’s shocked expression didn‘t help, and the birds were frankly malicious.
-I don’t. I don’t want to marry this Prince. I don’t even know him. For all I know he’s gonna kill me as soon as I get through the palace doors! I mean, he bloody well tried to marry both my stepsisters first cause they chopped off bits of their feet, I mean hello! This guy is an idiot!
However, the crowd was still trying to process the ‘bloody’ I had accidentally thrown in there. If anything, this set me off even more.
-Yes, I can swear. Bloody bloody bloody!! You morons just bloody well almost saw me get married to a psychopath, and did nothing about it! What should I do with you idiots?! AGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!
Ripping off the bottom half off of the tulle monstrosity, I ran to the lovely ‘just married’ carriage waiting at the end of the aisle. I threw the footman off, took the reins in my hand, cracked the whip, and galloped off into the sunset.
-Thank God you got out of that one, mate, the priest said sadly, patting the Prince on the shoulder.
Heaving my tulle monster up to the dais where the Prince was standing was not easy. Let’s just say that between my father and I it happened, and leave it at that. I gave a nod to the priest who seemed to share my feelings of anxiety. But, he managed to begin the ceremony and lulled by his voice I started to relax. I looked at my Prince, seeking reassurance. Instead, I found myself looking at the lines around his eyes; wait- how old is he?? I’m fifteen, I can’t actually be marrying anyone who has lines around his eyes! And what did I actually know about the Prince? I had only met him four days ago at the festival, what if he was some crazy princess killer? I looked back at the Prince, who now seemed fairly ominous. The two white turtledoves were getting heavier and heavier on my shoulders, and they looked at me with their beady black eyes, and I just saw the other girls’ mutilated faces staring back at me. Suddenly, everyone was looking at me.
-You need to say ‘I do’, the Prince said, with a dangerous edge to his voice.
-Well, I replied, I don’t. The crowd’s shocked expression didn‘t help, and the birds were frankly malicious.
-I don’t. I don’t want to marry this Prince. I don’t even know him. For all I know he’s gonna kill me as soon as I get through the palace doors! I mean, he bloody well tried to marry both my stepsisters first cause they chopped off bits of their feet, I mean hello! This guy is an idiot!
However, the crowd was still trying to process the ‘bloody’ I had accidentally thrown in there. If anything, this set me off even more.
-Yes, I can swear. Bloody bloody bloody!! You morons just bloody well almost saw me get married to a psychopath, and did nothing about it! What should I do with you idiots?! AGGGGGGGHHHH!!!!
Ripping off the bottom half off of the tulle monstrosity, I ran to the lovely ‘just married’ carriage waiting at the end of the aisle. I threw the footman off, took the reins in my hand, cracked the whip, and galloped off into the sunset.
-Thank God you got out of that one, mate, the priest said sadly, patting the Prince on the shoulder.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
WA-4 Draft 3
Dear Mr. Obama,
Firstly, I would like to congratulate you on your becoming the 44th president of the United States. You are coming into office at a point when America really needs a breath of fresh air in the White House, and in my opinion, you are the right man for the job. There are many tasks ahead of you, and I have a few suggestions based on what I have heard from people around me.
I would recommend the economy as a first major project. Solving the problems there will set you on your way to solving other problems, such as the funding of the war and the faults in American industry. Helping the banks and large corporations, as well as small businesses back to their feet can only help the general attitudes in the US at this time.
Another one of the main problems we are facing currently is the war in the Middle East. From the point of view at home, we need to pull out. To many people, there is little to no purpose in remaining there any longer, though, from a military standpoint, that’s not strictly true. In order to satisfy both, I would advise you pull out slowly, and talk with the governments of the countries involved in order to provide the support they need, as well as finding out what would be best for PR.
Affordable health care is another problem, one that seems to have been forgotten by the mainstream media at the moment. However, it is still an important issue: our country needs a system of healthcare for everyone. No matter what is done on this front, you can’t please everybody: if the plan is too narrow-reaching, you’re labeled a miser, too far, a socialist. The key is to find a plan that satisfies people in the short term, but continues to work in the long term.
During the past ten years or so, an astounding amount of research has been done regarding our impact on the environment. It appears that there is much the government can do to reduce our ‘carbon footprint’ and make the U.S. a greener country. To secure our future, something must be done, and soon. Radical legislation may be needed, so please consult with scientific advisors about what should be done.
While I am in no way an expert on any of these fronts, I do know what people around me are saying, and I have tried to convey that information within this letter.
Sincerely,
Isabel Fendley
Firstly, I would like to congratulate you on your becoming the 44th president of the United States. You are coming into office at a point when America really needs a breath of fresh air in the White House, and in my opinion, you are the right man for the job. There are many tasks ahead of you, and I have a few suggestions based on what I have heard from people around me.
I would recommend the economy as a first major project. Solving the problems there will set you on your way to solving other problems, such as the funding of the war and the faults in American industry. Helping the banks and large corporations, as well as small businesses back to their feet can only help the general attitudes in the US at this time.
Another one of the main problems we are facing currently is the war in the Middle East. From the point of view at home, we need to pull out. To many people, there is little to no purpose in remaining there any longer, though, from a military standpoint, that’s not strictly true. In order to satisfy both, I would advise you pull out slowly, and talk with the governments of the countries involved in order to provide the support they need, as well as finding out what would be best for PR.
Affordable health care is another problem, one that seems to have been forgotten by the mainstream media at the moment. However, it is still an important issue: our country needs a system of healthcare for everyone. No matter what is done on this front, you can’t please everybody: if the plan is too narrow-reaching, you’re labeled a miser, too far, a socialist. The key is to find a plan that satisfies people in the short term, but continues to work in the long term.
During the past ten years or so, an astounding amount of research has been done regarding our impact on the environment. It appears that there is much the government can do to reduce our ‘carbon footprint’ and make the U.S. a greener country. To secure our future, something must be done, and soon. Radical legislation may be needed, so please consult with scientific advisors about what should be done.
While I am in no way an expert on any of these fronts, I do know what people around me are saying, and I have tried to convey that information within this letter.
Sincerely,
Isabel Fendley
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